i louve this picture of mine

know your rights gay bombay meet and bird watching with harish and peshdad

ok so 7th of october, i m supposed to be studying my ass off because well my university exams start tomorrow! but i needed to get out of my house! so i go to meet harish at zouk in andheri for a know your rights gay bombay meeting...
out of the people i know, there is satya and peshdad... satya looks right through me... and peshdad turns up later so well the meet was very informative...

they told them how to handle the police... how the police usually framed them...and basically section 377 and 375.

so well the meet ended and i told harish that i was hungry and we asked peshdad to come along... so we headed to infinity mall. and picked this slice of pizza and a salad . and then we sat and birdwatched!
*eyed hot men
welll every 3 minutes or so, a hot guy would pass by . and i would go "oh mi gawd khum to mammah babay!" lol
and then a hot chick would pass by n i would go oh my gawd i m so gay! lol
and the guys would show up and i would go oh mi gawd i m so fucking straight right now!

lol
confusing times those were indeed...!!!
lol

neways then finally i go home n study through the night cause obviously i have to write my first board exam the next day!
so stayed up all night and went to the temple next day in the morning andit was lke a really cool thing ...lol

Nayaab...नायाब ...

किए आंखों का अधूरा ख़्वाब हूँ मैं ...

कुचलने वाले के हाथों में ,
एक महकता मेह्काता गुलाब हूँ मैं ...

किसी का दूध, किसी की दवा तो किसी की शराब हूँ मैं...

दोस्तों के शेह्र में, तनहा बेहिसाब हूँ मैं...

जीससे लीपट कर पूरी क्र्लेते हें परवाने अपनी जिन्दगी,
अपने ही नूर की मारी, उस शमा की आग हूँ मैं ...

जो ख़ुद जलकर रोशन करता है हर महफिल,
आँचल में अंधेरे छुपाये, वही चीराग हूँ मैं...

एक आवारा हवा का झोंका , एक बूँदभर आब हूँ मैं ...

कहीँ कुछ देहेकते शोले थे, उनको छुपाती,
कुछ झुलसी मायूस राख हूँ मैं...

जिसको छूने से जल्जायेंगी उँगलियाँ तुम्हारी,
वही शीशी में बंद रंगीन तेज़ाब हूँ मैं ...

किसी मनि्दर का सुकून, किसी भीड़ की आवाज़ हूँ मैं...

कभी आँख का आँसू, कभी उनको पोछता हाथ हूँ मैं ...

एक पाख रूह को ढकता चुपता , एक मैला सा नकाब हूँ मैं...


ख़ुद के अन्दर झान्क्के देखो ,
नम कई हैं ... इश्क... मोहब्बत ... औरत हूँ मैं.
ैं इबादत हूँ मैं ...
नायाब हूँ मैं...

खुदाया

तेरी मशहूर मौजूदगी में हाकीकट है अगर,

तो ऐ काफीरों के खुदाया ...

आज इस ज़मीन पर उतर ...

देख तेरी बंदी का गम... तेरी कायनात से ज़्यादा है!

a prayer

i want my sanity and peace back...
before i fade away and waste... i want to indulge into my self... after realising my self...
i want another chance...
just one...
i want to be held...
i want to cry...
much before the tears dry up and turn into the salt on my wounds... i want to be free...
asap...

claim me

23 years,46 days of sheer wastage...
distraction,things... other senses... other companions...
self pity, amusement, guilt, pride, ego, so called love... so called good deeds,sexual abuse, rape, casual sex, one night stands, love making, flirtation, seduction, substance abuse, alcohol, smoke, trance, meditation, faith, abuse, fraud, deception, hurt, anger, lots of anger, reality, wounds, exams, papers, tests, tears, beatings, hatred, anger, fucks, masturbations, bedtime stories, lullabys, heart breaks, eye contacts, affairs, divinations, giving ins, giving ups, first bloods, growing up, revisiting childhood, faith, lies, light, darkness, elation, redemption, depression, sadness, misery, music, lyrics, videos, audios, scripts, photographs, portraits, snaps, art, touch, love,
mother...

all i seek is the moment of enlightenment...

IF YOU WANT ME TO...

If You Want Me To,
I will glide my parched palms over your eyes,

So that you close them...

So that you Picture, not See...

So that you are not confused My Love,

Between “Make believe” and “Being there”...

Between “Wants” and “Desires”...

Between “Happiness” and “Popular consent”...

Between “Practicality” and “Love”.

If you want me to,

I will take you in my arms, to the pristine blue skies,

To the endless fields,

To the sweet smell of touch, Of tender touch,

Of the blades of dew covered grass, that will kiss your feet...

To skipped beats,

To breathless moments of touch...

To Love.

And all this while, I will be there,

With you in my arms.

You living your beautiful paradise, and I living you.

Just one thing I ask of you my love.

A promise that you will not let me wake up...

Cause with the awakening will come along ideologies, theories, doubts.

With open eyes, will come the sight, the sight of a world not so beautiful...

The sight of an us unloved, apart, mature, practical.

The sight that I don’t want to see...

Not now...

Not in your arms...

A sight, that can change.

If you want it to...

If you want me to,

I will love you.

A thousand times over...

RANDOM silent screams...!!!!

Anger was always a latent trait in me... ALWAYS... but now it seems to have resurfaced with a vengance. i am honest when i say no one is actually troubling me other than myself. but there are reasons that i have of my own... reasons that i don't know are justified for you or not. but for me, i dont know, havent tried to find out and more than that DON'T CARE if my anger is justified or not.

India won the 20-20 world cup! and won wonderfully!!!!
well thats just the match update

so well here goes... some random things...


rather,

things that i havent blogged about and that happened in the recent past.

• i haven't attended 4 preliminary exams as yet i think.
• i finally submitted all my projects and finished my submissions... but i still have to speak to professor chiramel baby and ask him about the internal tests and submit my kt form...
• Harish is the latest entry in my life that i am scared of.why scared? because he gives me solace and peace... he makes me feel better... i am in love with him... and he is my first platonic love.. but i know he will leave one day just like ankur bhaiya, vidhi, sasha, anita and all the others... i have learned the hard way that i shouldn't lie to myself and give myself false expectations... he has had a heart break recently and was very sad until 2 days ago he had a date... hey he and i had our dates on the same day. sweet na... i pray for him like i used to pray for saurabh... everyday, religiously... i look over him... this is something i havent done for a lot of people ... this drains me... but makes me peaceful. he is innocent and pure and vulnerable... but sometimes, when i need him, he chooses other things over me... that hurts me... i dont know if this has a meaning or this is a relationship of a different kind or whatever, but it scares me.... cause i have gone beyond the point of giving him the power and authority to hurt me. oh... he is gay. the 3rd gay friend i have... through him i met new people...namely, siddhanth, saubi, rahul, satya, jatin, prafful etc... out of these, i am very fond of saubi, satya, and praful.
• punni bhaiya is the talk of the family these days... unfortunately, for the wrong reasons... to see the family behaving like this, wrenches my heart open...and tears it up... Babli mama is full of heartache for bhaiya, Bhaiji mama is full of heartache for Babli mama and the rest of the family is busy with sympathizing with either... it sucks... its sooo ugly that i cant express... life at matruchaya has become a term in the dungeons for NANI... she lost Papaji last year, and we thought for a while that we were going to loose her as well... i think we have lost her... not physically ... but i think we have done more damage than can be undone or survived... i am sorry Papaji... we couldn't take care of your wife... forgive us... and as long as you can, avoid looking at your family...
• i kissed Ishaan... he is more afraid than i had vibe... it was a hurried, lets get done with this kind of affair...
  
• i lost a fashion show competition for the first time.
  
• Anita lied to me slightly more than i could take... cannot forgive her without her apologising... she should know that she has no right to complain about heartache if it is exactly what she constantly gives to people .... from time to time...
• i have turned 23 years old... and had a party at rock bottom where: the following were present... RUHI, BIDISHA, YASH, KALPESH, RENE, AALAP, SWATI, DHRUV, GHANEKAR, POOJA, ANITA, SAURABH,ISHA, POOJA, ADIT, RAKESH, JAI,KESHAV,SWAPNIL,AKSHAY,NANDITA ETC... I danced away to glory after getting dunk on 5 vodkas and 2 beers. later after the club, we headed to a 24/7 hookah place called royal smoke... then from there slowly slowly everyone left... the only people left were anita me and saurabh... so we headed to the neares cafe cofee day which was in mindspace[malad]... there saurabh dedicated a birthday song for me... i cried... he then dropped me home and i crashed... after the effects of booze were gone, i realised what 4 inch heels and haours and hours of dancing does to you...my body ached for the next 3 days... will put in my birthday pics...
• rakesh is a kashmiriguy i met through orkut and dated for a month... a big mistake...adit is his friend i slept with 3ice... mistake yet again...
• read this wonderful book "witch of portobello" loved every word of it...especially the line " language is not in words but in the spaces between the words... music is not in the beats or sounds, but in the pauses between them..." and also "Love simply is."
• i need a good sumptuous vacation in goa or ladakh, with random people... to unwind...
• i wrote a letter to mother, she hasnt replied as yet...
• i think mother is angry with me...itsnot really fair though...
  
• GANESH CHATURTHI is about to get over... i havent visited even 1 pandal this year...
  

Ctrl + S the world…

Ayesha Singh( The Indian Express) [love ya woman] once wrote an article about Corporate social responsibility...so well inspiration worked and I put forth my view about why I think the media and women today are super heroes…

Her lead story, was something that in a nutshell, spoke about superheroes...
well we all have believed (most still do) that there is that perfect person... that perfect hero, who can and will save the day... maybe shoot a web here or there... make things better... in a nutshell, protect the universe.

with great power comes great responsibility...
you do not choose to be a hero... u simply realize one day,ahem... i can fly...
hmmm how should i explain it better...
lets put it this way... you dont choose to be a part of the media .. just like u dont choose to be a woman.... you just realise when u do... that you are...

saving the day... for millions every minute, every hour.... are the heroes... us...
we wake up every morning... conveniently sashay our way through work, parents, heartache, losers, terrorism, domestic violence, prejudice, and tears...
All these heroes have all had their trying times... we have tasted our stones and our opposition...in life.. and in life... because heroes are immortal...
be it Kiran Bedi or Joan of Arc...
be it indira gandhi or medha patkar...
be it you or me....

we are the Heroes... and I welcome you all... ...in this world that might not be the most welcoming… yet, this is where we flaunt our muscle … and exercise it too...
so unleash women...
unleash your super powers...

For the world needs its super heroes!!!

"It is difficult to imagine or to underestimate the price many of these women paid in the currency of loneliness, self-doubt, ridicule, and insult. They were often considered to be in flagrant violation of the laws, written and unwritten, of God and man. Many were jailed for their beliefs and activities. They were seen to be violating the natural order, the way "everyone" knew things were supposed to be. They persevered against odds that should have been overwhelming--and they triumphed. "

--Phyllis J. Read and Bernard L. Witlieb in The Book of Women's Firsts

silent whispers[write up on child sexual abuse and ban on sex education in schools] with help from harish iyer

Sex is between the ears and not between the legs. Much against this belief, our government has raised uproar against the introduction of sex education in schools in various parts of the country. The government has taken this stand taking into consideration the moral values where as the NGO's like FACSE (Forum Against Child Sexual Exploitation) have expressed their discontent rather vehemently, and why not, they have statistics to support them. According to a recent survey by India Today group, 53% of children are sexually abused before the age of 13. The NGO argues that such startling figures stand testimony of the fact that there is a need of a channelized education system to educate the child about issues like sex. The handbook that has caused the uproar, endorses homosexuality, has vivid diagrams and talks about anal and oral sex. Sex education has been scrapped in both the CBSE and the state board schools.

“You are letting politicians, corporators who have never experienced sex education themselves to dictate that children should not receive it. This is absurd! Why are we doing this to children? Why are we holding back this information? Do we really believe that is children know that sex exists; they will all run out and have it? That’s a tremendously unfounded concern.” says Sonya Mehta, well known psychologist. Retaliating to this the government says that sex education is a part of growing up and one learns about sexuality naturally. Rather than educating the child, the government spokes person says, we should launch a mass awareness crusade for educating the parents, rather than intriguing the educators and the pupils though thronged mortification. Shajar Khan, president all India democratic students organization, however says, “Contents in this curriculum are outrageous, actually this will make our children perverts.”

'It is funny, that in a country where 53% of children of both genders are sexually abused, there is absolutely no law against child sex abuse, the convicts of the crime are tried against the law against rape, which is against outraging the modesty of a women (now how are male victims of Child sex abuse protected, I wonder)' alleged Harish Iyer a media professional and an activist for the cause of Sex Education. He adds 'We are taught nick names for our body parts, when an eye is an eye and a nose is a nose so is a penis, a penis and a vagina, a vagina, how many more victims is it going to take for us to introduce sex education. Parents are the ideal educators who need to tell children about the difference between good touch and bad touch, but in the society that we are this rather just said than followed, moreover, where does a child go when the perpetrator is the parent itself or someone close o the family'. Mr. PT Chacko(parent) on the other hand, is downright disgusted with the idea of educating kids of such a young age regarding sex. ”Ridiculous! Maybe, just maybe, you can try in an upper class, but not at all in the 6^th class.”

But teachers definitely think other wise all throughout the country. Some schools in Chandigarh have gone ahead and made sex education a part of their regular curriculum. Where as Delhi has some schools having special seminars and workshops on topics like AIDS Awareness. “Let us be realistic, let us have a scientific temper, at the same time if any depiction or any wording in the module, if we find objectionable, we can always find always an alternative.” says M. A. Baby, education minister of Kerala, one of the states where sex education is banned.

“In our law system, rape of a male child or for that matter a man is not discussed at all. Section 375 talks about rape. But oral and anal rapes come under “molestation”. Another section which as caused uproar in the homosexual community is section 377. this section is used by lawyers around the country for cases of oral of anal rape[according to section 377, any kind of sexual activity which is un natural, e.g. anal/oral sex, is a crime. Consent is not an issue here.]The trials of children who are abused also come under this section. There are very few FIRs and even lesser convictions” says Ms. Saumya Uma, advocate at the High Court director of WRAG [WOMENS RESEARCH AND ACTION GROUP] and human rights and family law expert.

The above shocking facts make us wonder, that even if we successfully come up with a brilliant sex education program, and succeed even in educating the masses regarding the issues of child sexual abuse, are we really ready, from the constitutional and legal point of view to be ready to tackle it? In times like today, when there exist parents who think only girls can be abused and frivolous men think that having sex with a virgin child can cure any number of STDs, are we prepared to cater efficiently to a new generation of Indian citizens? Is our society ready for change?

This brings us to the real question that we need to ask ourselves is sex 'education' science or pornography. Guess when we understand the difference between this we would be much evolved in terms of not just a quality education system, but also a truly ethical and modern society.