i donno y i do wht i do
i donno why i feel like i feel
i wonder when it will be ok again
i wonder when i will be choking again
i donno what i m typin right now...
i donno whats ridin me right now????
i really have no clue wht will be...
i really have no clue what is gonna be of me
i really wis at times i wasnt as i was...
i really wish that time wasnt as it was....
fuckin whore that life is, its never satisfied
i really have no clue of what is wrong and what is right....
i m sick of pretendind that i m happy...
i m sick of repenting that someone banged me (used me) ... alas
i wanna run away... i wanna hide its like she's commin to get me... this bitch inside i m sick of making out i m sick of teklling lies...
i m tireedd of this shit and funny i donno why....
i guess i should be dead.... nah thats a lie....
i wonder how the world would be if we turned it upside down i wonder how the world would be if i wasnt around....
i love him
no i dont
i hate him
and pigs fly....
is it really abt him????
no
it isnt i know
is it then abt me?
i donno dont ask meeeeee!!!!!!!!!
i m fucked i m screwed.....
yes that i sure am...
by saket... by vijay ... by that bastard peer....
and of course by him....
i m worst than toilet paper
at least its needed...
well u know what i m not...
i m just fucked...
i fucked my bro in law.....
it was really a mistake... i was young and he raped me...
ya right!!!!! the world will say...
i was raped at seven ya right the world will say...
not just once but over n over
ya right the world will say.....
i wanna peel off me skin every inch where i have been touched.... every time i was defiled... every time i was deflowered....
i wish it wasnt me..... how i wish there was no such thing....
but its there its right there in my face and in my skin.....
this is it io need rest ... come n purge me off these things...
mr god if u r somewhere there....
i want my innocence back... i wanna be the normal gal...
but noooooooooooooooooooo noooooooooooooooooooooo noooooooooooooooooo
you cant stand that ... i m sick of you sheetal bhan....
i really am....
i am diksha n didda and anything un harmed ... yes i am.....
oh please make it stop... i cant take it no more ..... help meeeeeeeeeeee
if u r there.... if not ... you bastard .... i knew you wern't....................................................
ye hai meri kahaani......
jab sabkuch accha hone lagta hai, .....
to ye laashein mere atit ki mujhe darane lagti hai... badboo aati hai inme se.......
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7 comments:
need i say that is definitely a good idea...
but it wont really make much of a difference to what i m ging through....
hey babe...
u r one of my best friends...
u rock...
u still soo stable after all that...!
i simply adore you...
love u...
and wait till u becum D from AD...
u know what i mean...
hehe
cheers,
u know who.
eeek....
i m touched .... thanks really....
i wish i could express how much it means to me....
ruhey....
thanks yaar.. .. and u too r too out of the league of some people....
you know who....
;)
My heart goes out to you. My Zen teacher tells me that when I do my practice it isn't only for me - it is for the universe and everyone who can't do it right now. I don't know if that helps. I just wanted to tell you that. Somewhere across the wide world there is a white girl in the Midwest who meditates and thinks of Sheetal in India and wishes much happiness for her and everyone else in between!
Also, it is good to be with these feelings. Take lots of deep breaths. Don't try so hard to push them away. They are with you for a reason. Learn everything you can from all this. For better or worse it happened. Unfortunately, it is a part of your life. In order to heal, you have to allow yourself to go through all of this and the more you push it away (as I am sure you have learned in your practice) it comes back at you again and again. You can do it. You will do it. You may have to make some very hard choices and make some changes that will be no easier, but what will come out of that will be all YOURS BABY!!!YOU WILL EMERGE SUPASTRONG!!!!! No one will be able to do that to you again. Someday when you have clarity, you may have tons to share with others who have gone through this abuse. Don't accept your brother in laws suffering. Don't let it grow inside you so that that is what you have to offer the world. Transform it!
Damn I am wordy!
no u have a gorgeous heart....
sheesh......
thanks god u r here...
i thought u had gone away....
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