RANDOM silent screams...!!!!

Anger was always a latent trait in me... ALWAYS... but now it seems to have resurfaced with a vengance. i am honest when i say no one is actually troubling me other than myself. but there are reasons that i have of my own... reasons that i don't know are justified for you or not. but for me, i dont know, havent tried to find out and more than that DON'T CARE if my anger is justified or not.

India won the 20-20 world cup! and won wonderfully!!!!
well thats just the match update

so well here goes... some random things...


rather,

things that i havent blogged about and that happened in the recent past.

• i haven't attended 4 preliminary exams as yet i think.
• i finally submitted all my projects and finished my submissions... but i still have to speak to professor chiramel baby and ask him about the internal tests and submit my kt form...
• Harish is the latest entry in my life that i am scared of.why scared? because he gives me solace and peace... he makes me feel better... i am in love with him... and he is my first platonic love.. but i know he will leave one day just like ankur bhaiya, vidhi, sasha, anita and all the others... i have learned the hard way that i shouldn't lie to myself and give myself false expectations... he has had a heart break recently and was very sad until 2 days ago he had a date... hey he and i had our dates on the same day. sweet na... i pray for him like i used to pray for saurabh... everyday, religiously... i look over him... this is something i havent done for a lot of people ... this drains me... but makes me peaceful. he is innocent and pure and vulnerable... but sometimes, when i need him, he chooses other things over me... that hurts me... i dont know if this has a meaning or this is a relationship of a different kind or whatever, but it scares me.... cause i have gone beyond the point of giving him the power and authority to hurt me. oh... he is gay. the 3rd gay friend i have... through him i met new people...namely, siddhanth, saubi, rahul, satya, jatin, prafful etc... out of these, i am very fond of saubi, satya, and praful.
• punni bhaiya is the talk of the family these days... unfortunately, for the wrong reasons... to see the family behaving like this, wrenches my heart open...and tears it up... Babli mama is full of heartache for bhaiya, Bhaiji mama is full of heartache for Babli mama and the rest of the family is busy with sympathizing with either... it sucks... its sooo ugly that i cant express... life at matruchaya has become a term in the dungeons for NANI... she lost Papaji last year, and we thought for a while that we were going to loose her as well... i think we have lost her... not physically ... but i think we have done more damage than can be undone or survived... i am sorry Papaji... we couldn't take care of your wife... forgive us... and as long as you can, avoid looking at your family...
• i kissed Ishaan... he is more afraid than i had vibe... it was a hurried, lets get done with this kind of affair...
  
• i lost a fashion show competition for the first time.
  
• Anita lied to me slightly more than i could take... cannot forgive her without her apologising... she should know that she has no right to complain about heartache if it is exactly what she constantly gives to people .... from time to time...
• i have turned 23 years old... and had a party at rock bottom where: the following were present... RUHI, BIDISHA, YASH, KALPESH, RENE, AALAP, SWATI, DHRUV, GHANEKAR, POOJA, ANITA, SAURABH,ISHA, POOJA, ADIT, RAKESH, JAI,KESHAV,SWAPNIL,AKSHAY,NANDITA ETC... I danced away to glory after getting dunk on 5 vodkas and 2 beers. later after the club, we headed to a 24/7 hookah place called royal smoke... then from there slowly slowly everyone left... the only people left were anita me and saurabh... so we headed to the neares cafe cofee day which was in mindspace[malad]... there saurabh dedicated a birthday song for me... i cried... he then dropped me home and i crashed... after the effects of booze were gone, i realised what 4 inch heels and haours and hours of dancing does to you...my body ached for the next 3 days... will put in my birthday pics...
• rakesh is a kashmiriguy i met through orkut and dated for a month... a big mistake...adit is his friend i slept with 3ice... mistake yet again...
• read this wonderful book "witch of portobello" loved every word of it...especially the line " language is not in words but in the spaces between the words... music is not in the beats or sounds, but in the pauses between them..." and also "Love simply is."
• i need a good sumptuous vacation in goa or ladakh, with random people... to unwind...
• i wrote a letter to mother, she hasnt replied as yet...
• i think mother is angry with me...itsnot really fair though...
  
• GANESH CHATURTHI is about to get over... i havent visited even 1 pandal this year...