why

where am i going wrong...
no seriously, where am i going wrong?
what the fuck
why?????
you know i slapped my sister today...
you know i m not giving up smoking afterall
you know i m fucking supposed to be spiritual...
god damn it
why
why the fuck cant i be happy for god's sake
why!!!!!!!!!!!
i am so sick of you god
i am soooo sick of you...
i am tired
i am tired of praying to you
i am tired of feeling guilty
i am tired of feeling guilty...
did you hear that
i am TIRED OF FEELING GUILTY....
why
why am i like this....

i mean i have been told since i understood wht bieng spiritual meant that i have to do great things in life....

in this spirituality ka chakkkar, i got used literally USED by a muslim pir...
i hate my self for letting myself get used by him.. i m sick of it you know

ok this is what i want to do... i want to pack my bags and leave... and never come back as the sheetal that iam today

i want to come back as a mother of humanity... as an enlightened person... as some one who could hug some one and reinstill faith in their hearts simply by her touch,
as some one who could hold people in grief and tell them to not worry ... them that the almighty is looking after them.. that everything is ok,....
that they DO have a reason to be here... and they deserve to be happy

i wish i could be pure you know
iwish i could be really pure
the way babli mama would want me to be
pure
how
how do i become pure again????
how do i undo my karma???
wht have i done soooo bad that i m feeling guilty about it?
oh

neways
i know you r in me god
n if this heart aches, you will feel the pain too....

i swear...

i m holding on to my faith.... but i see my self hoing in haphazard ways...
help me god
help

sheetal




ps: funky!!!!! whr the fuck r u????

also i m over the dream!!!