mp3

i just saw this movie called mp3... ridiculous naa... i know... but strangely, it evoked things that had been prety inactive for quite some time...
suddenly, outta the blue, i started missing saurabh...
i have technically dated a lotta guys b4 saru, but he will always be my first and last love... some how today i have come to acept this fact...
i tried to pretend otherwise... as in... i tried to tell my self that i could be possibly happy with some one else... that probably i could love someone else... that i could live some one else...
but here i am...facing the truth as maybe if i had faced earlier, i wouldn't have made mistakes like jeet, nishant, vinay, pranjal, prashant, arjun, and the latest rakesh...
what was i thinking???
seriously....
i feel like crying right now...
i feel stupid...
i had been kissed a thousand times before saurabh kissed me that day in that restaurant surbhi...

yet, that kiss remains my first kiss... the most beautiful kiss i have ever had... even today i skip A beat every time i think of it...
he told me he wanted to give me something... there was nobody in the restaurant... he said "close your eyes" and i did what those lips ordered me to... i waited for a second or 2 and then impatiently looked at him... asked him what was taking so long... and after looking into his eyes for what seemed like centuries, his hand reached up to my face...held one cheek and his lips embraced mine... for one slight moment... i felt like i could see stars errupting or like i had grown wings... just for those few moments.. just maybe a few seconds...
end he caressed my neck with his fingertips... when he pulled away, he kissed my cheeks... he kissed my fore head and he kissed my eyes.... i dont remember feeling any more beautiful ever... ever in my life...

god ....
people say the mills and boons type of romances dont exist...
they are wrong...

just after i asked him out, to make it official, i had to go to goa with family... and we had a small argument, a little teensie weensie argument... and before i left, he was rude to me on phone...
i thought this is it... but we will work it out once i m back...

but he had other plans... the night i reached goa, i realised, he had followed me to goa... he couldnt possibly imagine being without me for 4 days and that too wondering if i would still love him when i m back....

i spoke to him on phone and we decided we will meet at around 5 in the morning... at calangute beach... so i did ... i forced all my 6 cousins to play and i picked him up, and then just sneaked away for a little time... just held hands, and kissed...
it was the most sweetest thing any bdy has ever done for me... i dont remember feeling more wanted and needed ever...

those times when i used to be cooking in the kitchen and he would come from behind me.. wrap his hands around my waist and turn me around... tell me that i was the most beautiful woman on earth... tell me that i had hands like that of a baby... tell me that i was his wife his love and is life...
i remember him picking me up in his arms and taking me to bed with me blushing from head to toe...
i remember him telling me how his love for me would never change...
i remember him writing in my diary that i will never have to write in her again,.... because he would never let me be sad... ever ever again...
i miss him...
i miss the security...
i miss the intimacy.... i miss the feeling of belonging to some one...
the feeling that u have someone to come back home to...


i loved him so much man... shit man... y cant love have mills and boon endings yaar???
i loved him so much...
its more than 1 an a half yrs now... and here i am today, crying for him...

no

crying for the way he made me feel...

god bless him for showing me all the beauties of love ... if you ever read this blog saurabh, wich i will make sure u dont, just know that u r my first and only love till date...

and i have mourned our seperation religiously....

i hope and want that u live so hapilly that u wouldn't even believe it...
and that u find a woman who deserves you more...
i miss you baby
i miss you chonu baby ... i miss you my jaanu....
i miss you so much...
i m so sorry i caused u pain... i never ever can do it intentionally...

if you ever can, pls try to forgive me...

baby ko maaf nahi karoge ??? to fir baby kahan jaaye gi???

sorry...

god bless you!!!

hope life treats u kind..
and i wish you love... above all... boundless love...

yours ( forever),
sweetu